Be Your Own Superhero

It’s a bird, It’s a plane, It’s a UFO, It’s a kite, Oh hell no! Wait, Really? Uh, it’s a Wondrous Woman … SUPERCHARGED, FULLY ARMORED, SUPERHUMAN, I must add, SINGLE, and CRAY CRAY (in a good way … tee hee).

We’re all in awe as we watch Wondrous Woman ferociously fly  (with one arm outstretched while the other flaps in the wind) down in full force to meet us … the earthlings.Wondrous Woman’s well defined (muscular) feminine pecs protrude through the thinnest elements of the imported (only made from the finest fibers) fabric. Wait, are those nipple beamers? Eeek, they’re bright! Moving on … her curvaceous and newly spit-shined (spit from the heavens, of course) hour glass figure sends shock waves across the universe. Her enhanced (squats are a “motha” sucker) non-surgical “you can sit a coke bottle on that phat (pretty hot and tempting) ass and take a sip” gluteus maximus almost splits the seat of her form fitting “shero” uniform. Her bulging calf muscles continuously expands and contracts … beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep. What a woman … wondrously SUPERCHARGED, FULLY ARMORED, SUPERHUMAN, and SINGLE. Where is her Wondrous Man with the superfluous bling (kneeling on one knee)? Bling being the ring.

No one that walks on this planet is deemed as the “Perfect Patty”  (well, besides Patti Labelle after debuting that delicious Sweet Potato Pie) or “Bitch-less Betty”or the “Never Will Break Your Heart Nathan” or “Sleep with Your Best Friend Sam.” We all hold flaws or faults  whether it’s consciously or unconsciously. I say this, just to say, Be Your Own Superhero … Groundbreaking Change will only occur if you allow it and accept it.

The wondrous woman in me hopes to meet the wondrous man in him … my future (God, please let it be near … please) mate. And universe, I know you’re reading this too … can we speed up the process just a little? This wondrous sister has been waiting for over 5 years. Just saying … Loves ya! 


Karma Loves

Say What Now

“Wait, run that by me again … you’ve never had an orgasm?” It is definitely a fact. Many women over the age of thirty never experienced the “orgasmic flow” … the “va-jay-jay that runneth over” … the “climactic rush” … the “pressure releaser” … the “spew of sweet nectar” … the “tears of the womb.”

Sorry fellas, some women have been faking the Big “O” (for quite some time) with eyes rolls (and you thought it was because you caused an orgasmic exorcism), with spasmodic –like episodes (and you thought you laid “it” down), and with a loud obnoxious moan (almost deafening). It was all just a show … a-not-so celebratory experience for her, but more of an explosion for him. Faking the Big “O” can be exhausting especially if the woman is not emotionally or mentally connected to her partner. For a small majority of women, an “orgasmic eruption” comes quite natural during intercourse or any other sexually generated act (damn, she was blessed with a golden glitter box).

Faking an orgasm comes natural for the other half of the female population. It’s like auditioning to play the role of the leading lady in a short film (“He Always Get His And I Never Get Mine”). Lights, Camera, Action! You lay there, he pulls it out … he climbs on top of you (wearing nothing but white socks) … he puts it in the wrong hole … you give him the “I know the hell you didn’t just try that shit” look … he struggles for a moment then finds the right hole … you moan and you groan … he huffs and he puffs … he whispers, “Do you like it?” … you lie, “Yes, now give it to me big daddy” … he goes faster, you scream his name (shouting every syllable) … he starts to perspire like he’s an olympian about to reach the finish line … you roll your eyes (hoping this shit is about to end) … he growls, he moans … he shakes, he rattles, and then he rolls over … you look at the clock hoping your telekinetic sense will move time backwards (you want ten minutes of your life back) … the END.

It is very pertinent that a woman knows her body, loves her body, and embraces the body she owns. Men must learn every inch of a woman’s body (Anatomy 101 is a great start). Know her turn-ons … her turn-offs (not just in a sexual sense). Mentally stimulate her with words of affection and declaration … more like a mental massage (could easily make her feen for your loving).

The Big “O” will be an even greater experience if both participants learn each other (e.g. his/her touch, his/her smell, his/her walk, and his/her vocal range during certain activities). It’s ok to think outside the bedroom … try something new, try something bold … be a rebel without a cause (just don’t get your ass arrested). Most importantly, experience the wild and crazy things  shit together.

Before I sound off, fellas, make her give dap (a fist pump) to the Lord himself (feed her mind, body, and soul). She will thank you and thank the Lord for blessing her with a modern-day superman (a man with telepathic and super-orgasmic powers).

Let’s Free the Flow!