WTF?!? Dating Sucks! 

Yeah, I know I said I wouldn’t use “juvenilistic” acronyms or short hand text. But, “f” it, it will be used only (can’t guarantee at this point) during this vent. What the f@&k (oops, sorry, slip of the tongue) is wrong with the world of dating? It doesn’t seem to exist anymore. Some men (and women, I might add) are only looking to hook up … “F” and go. It’s like you’re at a drive thru … you order a large penis (without the bun as you’re watching your carb intake) or a juicy fat vajayjay with a side of no emotions. What happened to dating? What happened to courting? What happened to learning, loving, and eventually gaining a life mate?

Metaphorically speaking, I’ve traveled through dungeons, caves, wild animal traps, and swung from tree to tree with Tarzan … Ha! Hell, even thought I was a part of a lost scene in Game of Thrones (Khaleesi’s aka “mother of dragons” half sister on her Father’s side). Anywho, back to my vent … I don’t even think the men I’ve encountered (on dating sites, dating apps, in real world scenarios, etc.) are from this planet … they were probably rejects from Mars. I honestly think some meteorite crashed on planet Earth and its kryptonite sucked the life out of (some) men (and women) leaving them with toddler brains. It’s so disheartening when a guy asks for nudes and/or sends you an unwarranted photo of his junk with lint balls. Wait, I must add a little more iodized salt to the womb …. I once had a guy tell me he wears lipstick and nail polish (see screenshot below). I can’t make this shit up even if I wanted to. This and a hell of a lot more usually occurs after an introductory text as phone calls are nonexistent; at least in today’s world of reckless dating. 

You know what, I’m going to sell all of my shit leaving nothing but a pair of spiked combat boots and several pair of (a female’s monthly favorites) granny panties (the ones with the holes and discoloration). This woman is heading to the nearest nunnery. 

Sigh … WTF! Dating Sucks! 

Xoxo, 

Karma Loves 

Equally Unbalanced 

I feel like the rope in a game of tug of war … strength and looks can be deceiving. My dating life and the pursuit of finding a mate are at war… equally unbalanced. My emotions are caught in a never ending storm … damaging high winds, terrestrial rain showers, hail the size of tennis balls, thunder that roars like a lion in distress, and lightning that’s expelled from the hands of Mother Nature on her menses. 

My dating struggles seem unbalanced … equally unyoked. Struggle is said to be the key that unlocks the deadbolt to irrefutable happiness. Struggle is said to be the escalating steps that lead you out of darkness. I’ve tried to light a candle in the midst of my struggle … in the pit of total darkness. But, darkness blew it out.  

Lord, are you forwarding all of my calls (prayers) to voicemail? Universe, are you teaming up with Ashton Kutcher? I’m just saying, it’s hard to believe that I’m not on an unaired episode of Punk’d. 

Damn it! This dating shit sucks! My dating life and my pursuit of finding a mate to my cringing soul  is equally unbalanced, equally unyoked, and equally f@&ked! 

Xoxo, 
Karma Loves 

Oh Tinder … WT(Censored Because My Parents May Read This)!

Helloooooo …

I hope everyone is in good spirits, in good health, and have not quite reached insanity. Well, as I always do or have done, I must speak the truth about dating. Single, Double, and Triple Sigh. But, I must dabble or as some many say “bitch”about my gripes of online dating or mobile dating via an app (on your iOS or Andriod device). Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have ventured into the dark and somewhat hazy world of “abnormal” dating.

Online dating is quite convenient as you can sit comfortably on your couch or lay across your bed with your laptop (or phone) and swipe, click, tap, delete, or just log the hell off all together. And, you don’t have be bombarded with lame advances from a countless number of men (or women) asking to buy you a drink or asking if they can take you home. WTH!

I truly want to move to Saturn because its rings would rid the planet of bull shit. I would say Mars, but the line would be never-ending with women (and men) like myself … tired of the foolery from these damn earthlings.

My religious and “every Sunday I’m there” church going friends often remind me to stay in constant prayer and ask God to send me my Boaz. Honey, the Lord and his angels are overwhelmed with prayer requests from single women.

So, with no other choice or available outlet to meet single men, I ventured back to the infamous Tinder app. I mean, what did I have to lose? Every damn thing! SMH! My eyes bled from the photos of guys showcasing their penis print, their more than two children under the age of one, their wife (yes, many were looking for swinging partners — sorry, I’m a bit “stingy” and I do not share when it comes to the male “meat pistol”), their awkward poses with lions, and tigers, and bears, etc Honey, it’s too much foolishness to mention. I am completely over it.

Anyway … Without further ado, take a gander at the message/letter/cry for help I sent to Tinder exec’s … I’m still waiting on a response (inserts tune from the Wheel of Fortune).

Dear Tinder, 

Please for the sake of all singles around the world … Don’t make us out to be pimps or pimptresses. You’re running a legalized prostitution ring. Paying $20 a month for the same bullshit (guys only seeking ass, guys who are socially awkward, guys who rudely ask for ass, clitoris and tit photos, guys who post photos of or with their wives, guys who post photos of their dicks or lack of a dick, etc.) is ludicrous. I apologize for my bluntness *wait, no I don’t … “fudge it” this “sista” is mad as hell. I mean, I didn’t pay $20 for a damn hookup which would only end in utter disappointment. 

I digress … (slowly rolls eyes and continues giving you the Gary Coleman side eye)

Sincerely, 

A Woman Who is Tired of the Tinder Bullshit

Sigh … I promise, I am not going to give up.