Yes My Dear, Women Fart Too

You may want to wear a gas mask while reading this post. I’m sure near the end you will smell a rather peculiar scent. Have you ever wondered how the hell a human can release such lethal toxins (into the air) from that miniscule hole between the cheeks of the buttock? I mean, that force of funk causes vibrations, sharp pains, burning sensations, unbecoming tunes, strange facial expressions, and smells that would clear a few rooms. Contrary to popular belief, the human fart is the best defense mechanism (against bratty children, obnoxious in-laws, nosey co-workers, and frenemies).

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A female fart is like no other bodily function. It’s like a “rumble in the Bronx” … It’s like a roar from a cowardly lion. Some men think women don’t “toot the horn” or “blast butt music.” Fellas, we can’t hold it in … we would explode only to be broken down into little women (with silent and deadly butt bombs).

Some women are too embarrassed or too ashamed to “let the gas out” … especially in the presence of their significant other. Honey, you better “rip the runway!” He’ll probably love you more … then again, he may leave your “stank” ass. Ha! Ha! Ladies, it’s natural and it’s okay to “poot.” It becomes a problem when you don’t. I mean the stench could exude through your pores (who wants to walk around smelling like day old gym socks or a loaded burrito that’s been sitting in your stomach for weeks). That daring and brave (I might add) “poot” could sneak out and leave a lingering odor (all eyes would be on you).

Yes my dear … Women fart too. Who are you going to call? Fart Busters? Let Go and Let Flow!

 

 

Ladies Public Restroom Chronicles

Ladies, we must do a lot better in the public restroom department. Every time I walk into a public restroom I feel as though I need to be fully armored with a gas mask, full artillery, a biohazard suit, and a fire extinguisher (poop can be explosive). Not only are we forced to squat (excruciating pain after leg day at the gym), but we must avoid touching the shiny chromed handle with our hands. We then must use some out of nowhere kung fu kick to flush. What makes matters even worse is when you hear the grunts and moans of a woman who has the infamous “bubble guts” … Now, you must hold your nose, squat like a novice twerker, and hurry the hell out of there. What a nightmare! But wait, it’s not just the southern ladies … it’s all of us born with a brilliant va-jay-jay. It births, bleeds, and burps! That’s one powerful “P.H.A.T (Pretty Hot and Tempting) Pocket!”

Ladies, we must do better in the public restroom department. Comment below with your public restroom horror stories.