I’m sitting here on a warm, bipolar night (mother nature is in one of her moods) wearing a collegiate hoodie, loose men size pajama pants, and wiggling my toes in a pair of very comfortable footies (the ones where the BIG toe peeps through the hole like a … I was truly going to be a pervert). Haha!
So, I do my usual before drifting off into the dreamland of single female “losers and rejects” … Listen to a stream of mellow tunes (Ed Sheeran, Adele, Anthony Hamilton, John Legend, Sam Smith … just to name a few) scroll down my 7,000 (yeah, I need to do a massive purge) emails, or lay in bed in the dark hoping the man in my head would touch me or just breathe on me. Hell, I would be happy with a tap on the shoulder. Where’s Casper (the friendly ghost) when you need him? I digress … 👻
So, as I open my email from Groupon and look around at their “I can’t believe this shit” deals, I discover an advert for vibrators. Not just the 3 inch “teasers,” but the “I’m going to get you sucka” waterproof panel controlled pleasure seeker. And, to my surprise they were all SOLD OUT with more than 10,000 sold to some very sexually deprived women (or men) or the experimental few. 🔋🍆💦
These same women (or men) obviously aren’t being properly pleasured by their husbands, fiancés, boyfriends, side pieces, or friend(s) with benefits. And, many could be single. Ha! I’m not alone! I’m not the only one! I’m literally doing the happy dance right now.
Thank you Universe for showing me that I don’t have to walk this path all by my lonesome. There are more than 10,000+ women (or men) out there who feel the same as I do… Sexless and Single. Raise your vibrators ladies (and lads), we rule the mofo world. Make sure you have them turned off before pointing them to the heavens. God doesn’t like ugly.
*I am in no way affiliated with the said vibrator or Groupon. Hell, I’m mad because I’m not one of the 10,000.