What better way to start the morning off than with a tribute to ass. I know, how dare I write a post about that big (or small) bubble butt, that big (or small) “cake by the pound”, that big (or small) slab of “junk in your trunk”, or that big (or small) mass of curvaceous meaty tissue we coin as the one, the only … ass.
I’ve watched them all (butts that is) sway like a broke pimp or attempt to speak with no sound during one of my many “people (butt) watching” segments at the supermarket. There’s no better way to enjoy your grocery experience. Men with muscular butts tend to make a sista drool like a fool … it’s the right cheek that does it to me every time. They can flex the muscle without even knowing it. I just want to throw a penny at that ass and make a wish all before it (the penny that is) bounces back and hits me in the eye (It’ll shoot your eye out kid) … OUCH!
This is for the ladies who often feel a bit embarrassed or weird about their bountiful blessing. I often have to buy jeans one size up just to appease my rump. I even tried to suck it in once … Big Mistake (no pun intended) … the trapped gas I once had slowly eased right on out once my booty was released from my muscle bound grip. I was literally the walking fart machine. Can you imagine walking around only to rush into a corner to let loose? YIKES! It wasn’t the sound (it has quite a harmonic tone) it was the smell (forces you to make the ugliest face, close your eyes, and fan your nose before the hairs are abruptly charred).
Embrace your booty! Walk with class without displaying all of that ass.
Cheers to my BIG (or small) booty sisters (no matter your color)!
I had the perfect hour glass figure when I was in my early to mid-20’s. I could eat almost anything (even after midnight) and not gain an ounce of fat only a few dimples in the derrière area. It was when I hit 29 that I started to notice a change in my face, my thighs, and abdominal area. And to add gasoline to the already chemically induced flame, I thought I was in love with my now ex-husband. It’s true, love can make you do some crazy
things shit, like gain over 30lbs and devour Chinese Take Out (General Tso or Sesame Chicken with white rice and an egg roll) and Chick-fil-a (Regular fried chicken sandwich with a large order of waffle fries drenched in 10 packs of ketchup) every single day. On top of that, I drove 20miles for a fresh dozen of Krispy Kreme’s HOT glazed doughnuts. I am convinced that the luminous red light is demonic and will hypnotize you.
I literally let myself go during my 4 year marriage. I lost the person I once was and transformed into a person I thought I would never be … depressed, hopeless, and overweight. I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the bathroom mirror so I would never turn the light on even to take a shower … I used natural light or lit a candle. My reflection was my frenemy. My size 8 turned into a size 16. My face looked as if I inhaled helium and my legs were like two steroid injected chicken drum sticks.
On February 14, 2011, I decided I had to make a change. I stood in front of my bathroom mirror completely exposed with the lights on. Tears started to flow down my face as I made several clockwise turns. That same night I used google to search “ways to lose weight after 30.” I read articles, blogs, and even watched YouTube videos of random people that were in my situation … we were cruising on the same boat and walking on the same path. I was not alone.
Fast forward 3 years … I am now a vegetarian living a healthy lifestyle (I eat 85% clean). I went from a size 14-16 (left side of photo) to a size 10 (right side of photo). The bulk of my weight was lost by changing my eating habits and completing a round of P90x, half a round of Chalean Extreme, and a round of Insanity. In 2015, I plan to compete in an obstacle style race (Spartan Race or Tough Mudder). If you have competed in the latter, please share your experience.
Presently, I am doing a round of Insanity Asylum (pure hell) and plan to do another round before my 37th birthday on December 3rd. You can do anything you put your mind to … your heart and soul will soon follow. You could be superhuman … move mountains, walk the sea, or even ride a stratocumulus cloud. Nothing in life is impossible if you believe that it’s POSSIBLE.
I am in no way affiliated with beach body products or any of its services. This is my story and I intend to inspire others. Your story can save lives! I can’t wait to hear yours!