Beyond Thankful …

We are truly blessed beyond many measures to be living in the moment at this second, at this minute, at this hour in the year 2018. l, for one, am grateful for the birds that sing such soothing melodies … the sun that emits ultraviolet rays producing a natural source of vitamin D … the trees that protect us … the wild things that we often take for granted. Oh yes, I am so grateful. Ahh! Waking up in the early hours of the day inhaling the scent of fall … pumpkin spice, cinnamon, and a smidgen of this and that. With my arms outstretched and my mind at peace, I am beyond thankful.

Give thanks to all living things not only on this day, but every day.

Celebrate gratitude! One stranger at a time! Remember, we are all in this together!

Happy Year of Thanks to All!

A Long Time Coming

It has been a minute (more like a few weeks) since my last blog post. I haven’t been in the mood or in the “moment” to share my dry and dusty dating stories. I have yet to meet or even be in the presence of a man who’s desirable enough to share my portion of oxygen (more potent) or even inhale the scent of my morning breakfast sandwich … egg whites, spinach, kale, and goat cheese (or feta) on wheat (by the way, I SHOULD NOT be consuming any wheat induced products due to the way my stomach is set up).

This year I have decided to focus on building my brand. I have decided to reposition my thought process and focus on establishing wealth more abundantly. Most importantly, I have made a conscious decision to turn my ideas into my personal trunk of treasures. Moreover, this blog will be at the forefront on my list of daily priorities. I love the art of writing and creating magic with words.

I consider myself to be a creative and spiritual work of art. Yes, I am a masterpiece … if I don’t think so, who else will. I believe in exhaling my wants and needs into the universe … while allowing the universe to transform my energy into my reality.

Don’t get me wrong, I still want to travel along the gravel roads of dating and share my descriptive tales. But, as I’ve learned through out the years there’s more to life than waiting for a man to sweep me off my feet (damn you to hell clichés). I’m more than positive that my flamboyant experiences will blow your “flipping” mind.

Stay tuned for more incredible, often delicious, and ingenious stories in the up and coming weeks. Remember to create your own beautiful canvas. Not only should you exist, YOU SHOULD LIVE with NO REGRET!

 

Happy 2015! The year of the BREAKTHROUGH!

Suicidal Thoughts: My Battle with Depression

Depression and the zest to commit physical, mental, or spiritual suicide is (has been) running rampant through the hearts, minds, and souls of many people, including myself. Depression can (and will) hit you harder than a freight train crashing into a crowd of onlookers or zoned out tourists in a state of “awe.” Depression will break you down into miniscule pieces of scum until you are no longer recognizable … your reflection becomes your enemy and your existence seems obsolete. It can hit anyone (no matter your social, economic, religious, sexual, or psychological status) at any given time.

My Story

It all started when I was in my late 20’s … I woke up one morning, removed myself from my squeaky bed, and walked into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. The face I once loved, I hated. The figure I once envied became an indistinct memory. The voice I once had was nothing more than a faint whisper. I could feel the devil’s son’s lust creep up my night gown … I could feel his breath against my aching neck … I could feel his dark, vile, dreary, and lonely cast overpower my feeble frame. The image I saw was not that of a woman, it was more so the image of a corpse or a famished zombie. My eyes were red and my skin was clammy. I felt like a stillborn baby just extracted from its mother’s womb. I was possessed by the spirit of the devil’s son … his name is/was depression.

I didn’t want to live in this world of distrust … this world of disorganization … this world of chaotic disorder. I would sit on the floor (indian style) in total darkness with my head down as tears flowed down my face. My house was in total disarray (dishes piled for days, soiled clothes scattered up and down the stairs, and unfinished meals decaying on my best dinnerware). The stench of death reeked from my body. I didn’t want go outside to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin or feel the breath of the Universe race against my back. I would often dress in all black because I wanted to be casket ready. Suicidal thoughts consumed me … drained me … almost killing (murdering) my creative self.

People would often say, “Stop being depressed.” My only response would be, “WTF do you mean?” Depression is not some common cold that easily goes away with Robitussin, a few cough drops, a good night’s sleep, and/or a call to the doctor the next morning. It is an ailment that attacks you like a blood thirsty leech … latching onto you until life no longer offers you support. Depression is a serious “out-of-body” disease that can (and will) destroy daughters, sisters, mothers, aunts, uncles, fathers, sons, grandfathers, grandmothers, etcetera, etcetera … leaving the all-so-familiar question of, “Why?” unanswered. Most of us that suffer from depression do not make it out alive. I chose not to seek help from a professional therapist or expose my body to prescription drugs (often leading to an addiction and/or a chemical imbalance). I sought help from family members and close friends. I even kept a daily journal (expressing my feelings).

I ask that everyone bow their heads in a moment of silence in remembrance of all those souls we lost … every one doesn’t have the strength or the support to create a happily every after.

This story of mine is to be continued …

My battle with depression is not over, but I have learned to channel my deleterious thoughts into something more positive and meaningful. This blog has become a form of therapy for me … allowing me to express my inner most “unfiltered” thoughts (from dating douchebags to taking dumps). I’ve recognized the elements that bring me the most joy and I tend to eliminate those things that cause me to go into a state of “derailment.” My creator is not through with me yet. I still have many, many more miles to burn. My passport to living life will receive uncountable stamps, nationally and internationally.

I can only share with you a portion of my story … my chapter (which I still seem to edit). I hope to reach the masses or just one person who doesn’t feel his/her life matters. We all have a purpose … we all are destined to be greater than the eye can see. If someone you know is battling depression, please be their strength … be their spine … be their backbone. They seem weak, but you are strong. Listen to them without judgement. You too can save a life.

Today, as I stand with my head held to the clouds … I can honestly say, I’ve never been happier. Always remember there’s never an end to your story … there’s always a new beginning … a new chapter to compose. I will continue to place my steel plated, pastel pink boxing gloves on each hand and continue to beat depression’s ass … TKO Mofo!

This is the time to LIVE … this is the greatest time of my life.

Never Underestimate the Power of Life

We often take life for granted whether it’s the simple things like inhaling the morning scent of pancakes and scrambled eggs or waking up with the sun in our face (with the glare almost blinding us) and hearing the birds chirp with glee. Sipping a warm cup of ginger tea or drinking a cup of coffee with 2 teaspoons of organic cane sugar and a tablespoon of french vanilla creamer is a joyous morning ritual.

I often find myself complaining about the things that I’m not willing to change or I’m just too lackadaisical to change. As I get older, I’ve realized that I am the creator of my happiness. I am the creator of my joy, my inner peace, my external make-up, and my spiritual shield.

There’s so much power in life. It is a gift that was granted to us by the Creator of heaven and earth. The Creator of the ocean and the sea … the Creator of the beautiful rainbows that we often see. As I write this I wish it would rain … rain so hard that it strokes the parched pavement. I would run outside with my cozy house slippers (on my aching feet), my raggedy over-sized sweatpants, and my, well, an ex’s old t-shirt (one I kind of borrowed) … just to smile, spin around in a circle, dance, and feel the drops of rain on my skin. Oh what joy!

Never underestimate the power of life. Extend your arms, close your eyes, and inhale the fragrance of LIFE.