Say What Now

“Wait, run that by me again … you’ve never had an orgasm?” It is definitely a fact. Many women over the age of thirty never experienced the “orgasmic flow” … the “va-jay-jay that runneth over” … the “climactic rush” … the “pressure releaser” … the “spew of sweet nectar” … the “tears of the womb.”

Sorry fellas, some women have been faking the Big “O” (for quite some time) with eyes rolls (and you thought it was because you caused an orgasmic exorcism), with spasmodic –like episodes (and you thought you laid “it” down), and with a loud obnoxious moan (almost deafening). It was all just a show … a-not-so celebratory experience for her, but more of an explosion for him. Faking the Big “O” can be exhausting especially if the woman is not emotionally or mentally connected to her partner. For a small majority of women, an “orgasmic eruption” comes quite natural during intercourse or any other sexually generated act (damn, she was blessed with a golden glitter box).

Faking an orgasm comes natural for the other half of the female population. It’s like auditioning to play the role of the leading lady in a short film (“He Always Get His And I Never Get Mine”). Lights, Camera, Action! You lay there, he pulls it out … he climbs on top of you (wearing nothing but white socks) … he puts it in the wrong hole … you give him the “I know the hell you didn’t just try that shit” look … he struggles for a moment then finds the right hole … you moan and you groan … he huffs and he puffs … he whispers, “Do you like it?” … you lie, “Yes, now give it to me big daddy” … he goes faster, you scream his name (shouting every syllable) … he starts to perspire like he’s an olympian about to reach the finish line … you roll your eyes (hoping this shit is about to end) … he growls, he moans … he shakes, he rattles, and then he rolls over … you look at the clock hoping your telekinetic sense will move time backwards (you want ten minutes of your life back) … the END.

It is very pertinent that a woman knows her body, loves her body, and embraces the body she owns. Men must learn every inch of a woman’s body (Anatomy 101 is a great start). Know her turn-ons … her turn-offs (not just in a sexual sense). Mentally stimulate her with words of affection and declaration … more like a mental massage (could easily make her feen for your loving).

The Big “O” will be an even greater experience if both participants learn each other (e.g. his/her touch, his/her smell, his/her walk, and his/her vocal range during certain activities). It’s ok to think outside the bedroom … try something new, try something bold … be a rebel without a cause (just don’t get your ass arrested). Most importantly, experience the wild and crazy things  shit together.

Before I sound off, fellas, make her give dap (a fist pump) to the Lord himself (feed her mind, body, and soul). She will thank you and thank the Lord for blessing her with a modern-day superman (a man with telepathic and super-orgasmic powers).

Let’s Free the Flow!

Inspire the World

I never thought I would be at this place in my life or be in this moment of internal happiness. I may not have all the fame, the riches of this land, or even a man …but, I have my faith, my self-dignity, and most of all, my joy. I will not allow anyone to steal or even borrow the fabric of my life … the pieces of my existence.

imageI am so grateful for web outlets like WordPress that allows writers and creative thinkers, like myself, to delve more into the art of storytelling. I want to reach the masses. I want to save lives. I want to create a safe haven for those who never sought shelter from the storm.

We are placed in certain positions or situations in life for a reason. Through my trials, through my unhappiness, through my pain, through my tears, through those words of hate and disgust … I still held on to what little strength I had … to STAND (slightly upright).

Be an inspiration and save the world.

 

Be a Blessing

You never know what someone is going through until you walk miles (barefoot) or in their shoes with no soles. Everyone attempts to travel alone before needing the company of someone else. The world is composed of too many bullies (intentional or unintentional). Before you form your lips to speak, allow your thoughts to process. The tongue is the most powerful weapon we as humans possess. It’s like a samurai sword piercing through your body and tipping the core of your heart (right before the “lub dub”).

We were all planted on this earth to bloom without fear of someone cutting off our supply of water, oxygen, and essential nutrients and fly without fear of someone clipping our wings. Humans tend to be the most disengaged and insensible beings on earth. We often attack others (with words) like a predator decoying its prey. Words can hurt and in many instances, kill.

I ask that each and every one of you take just five minutes out of your day to converse with a stranger. It only takes a few seconds to utter, “Good Morning” or “Have a beautiful day.” Smile like you just won the lottery. Actually you did … the lottery of life. You were blessed with another chance and another opportunity to LIVE. Be a blessing to someone else. A chapter in your life story could be the one to save a life.

Dateless in Carolina Theatrics

Today is not just like any other day. Each day that you arise you are granted another opportunity to LIVE, to be FREE, to be WHOLE, and to be YOU. Thank You Universe! Thank you Lord! Thank you Angels! Thank you Creator!

I often do the same things every morning … roll over several times, close my eyes, and wipe the sweat from my thighs (hoping that the half naked man in my dreams would reappear), slap and curse at the alarm clock (until I only have ten minutes to get dressed for work), do my wide arm and wide mouth stretch, hop out of bed and into the shower (allowing the steam to penetrate my skin), lubricate my body with my coconut oil concoction, grab my two-piece suit and kitty kat heels, put on a natural face (just a dab of Cover FX in Medium Deep just to shield the imperfections), cover my lips with Mac’s Cherish (one of the best nudes for women of color), run to the kitchen to grab a bottle of Bolthouse Farm’s Vanilla Chai Latte (may cause an orgasm in your mouth) from the frig, and make my way to the car (trying not to slam the door behind me). Dateless in Carolina never felt so theatrical.

Always remember that your life is your story … it’s your moment to be in the spotlight. You are the only one that can call ACTION! Be free to live without regret, without fear, and without knowing. You will never know what the world has in store if you don’t take a chance.

Spread your wings and Fly … Fly higher than the eagles that scamper through the clouds. Free yourself!

I’m in Love with Adam Levine

That’s right! I am in love lust with Adam Levine. I’m no jump off, side chick, pop off, or the “other woman.” I’m his chocolate thunderstorm, his cocoa goddess, his hot cinnamon caramel latte (with a few swirls of whipped cream), and his Godiva chocolate with a juicy, sweet cherry in the middle. I kid! I kid! A woman can dream right? Reality kicks my ass every time. I’m just a celibate beast with impure and animalistic thoughts.

Adam, your coffee cream cake is right here. We can be like “Animals” in the wild. You can be my Tarzan and I’ll be your Janet (the name sounds more ethnic). I will remove my MUFE Matte Velvet Shade 70 foundation, wipe off my Mac Ruby Woo Lipstick (it must be love), take off my Target Mossimo midi dress (that was actually on clearance), pull off my Sam Edelman thigh high Kayla boots, and cut out my extensions (now, you know how a sista is about her hair) … all of this just for you. I’ll even climb the tallest tree, run for miles (just before my right knee gives out), drink from the creek (the fountain of youth is more like it), and sleep in a cave (wait, let me ponder on that for a minute) … again, all of this just for you.

If you ever have trouble finding me (maps often become discolored and mistakenly ripped to shreds) … take a first class flight (you’re fancy so you can take your private jet) to Atlanta, Georgia then another flight to Charlotte, North Carolina (with a slight layover), then a flight to the Capitol of “South Cackalack.” I promise you’ll be back in time for the The Voice.

This is only comedy people.

But maybe, just maybe … if I speak him into existence the universe will hear my cry and send his twin (Adam’s mold was somehow duplicated at the Factory of Desired Men).

And Adam, if you ever read this, I’m that woman you always dreamed of (before you got hitched). You know, the one that inspired “Maps” … I Kid I Kid!

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