What the H***! Krazy Kat Advantures?!? Yes, you read that right … No need to adjust your screen or wipe the dust from your spectacles. I am contemplating living life minimally and off-grid in a metal box with wheels. Allow me to rephrase that … my southern ethnic ass is really thinking about living full-time in a pimped out cargo van. You can thank my friend, a military veteran, for the idea. Several months ago, she sent me a stream of youtube videos (see a few below) with a text (and, I honestly read it in her voice) … “girl, you need to watch this.” Ever since that day, I’ve been hooked on #vanlife. Negative Nancy will no longer haunt me … Nomad Nathaniel saves me while flying around in a cape crafted with baby wipes and treading about in thigh high hiking boots. Haha!
But, why live in a van? You may ask. Why not? I’ve had my share of living and partially owning (you’re the lender’s biotch for 15 or 30 years) beautiful homes in the suburbs and renting apartments in the city. When I shared my idea with others, you wouldn’t believe the looks and feedback that I received. At this point in my life and at this age (41 in less than 1.5 weeks), I can only show the naysayers what they only wish or dream they could do. I’m like this, you can continue to sit up in your sticks, bricks, and/or vinyl like a prisoner not eligible for parole and I’ll travel the country in my rose gold metal/plastic box with wheels. All, with a little less stress and more dinero in my bank account. I have goals to become debt free, have at least $1,000,000 in savings, and live without limitations. Anything is possible, right? In order to bring that into fruition, I must let go of those things that truly never made me happy. One being my former husband … oh, my bad, veered off the road there for a minute. Anywho, I’m a firm believer in DREAMING BIG, THINKING BIG, and DOING BIG THINGS.
I finally want to be free and as cliche as this may sound, spread my wings and fly. Well, in this case, put the pedal to the floor and explore the unknown one mile at a time. I am so flipping excited. I can’t seem to contain my excitement. I get to shower in the wild, shit in a bucket, and wake up with a view only seen in travel mags
Stay tuned family for more … Vroom Vroom!
You may want to wear a gas mask while reading this post. I’m sure near the end you will smell a rather peculiar scent. Have you ever wondered how the hell a human can release such lethal toxins (into the air) from that miniscule hole between the cheeks of the buttock? I mean, that force of funk causes vibrations, sharp pains, burning sensations, unbecoming tunes, strange facial expressions, and smells that would clear a few rooms. Contrary to popular belief, the human fart is the best defense mechanism (against bratty children, obnoxious in-laws, nosey co-workers, and frenemies).
A female fart is like no other bodily function. It’s like a “rumble in the Bronx” … It’s like a roar from a cowardly lion. Some men think women don’t “toot the horn” or “blast butt music.” Fellas, we can’t hold it in … we would explode only to be broken down into little women (with silent and deadly butt bombs).
Some women are too embarrassed or too ashamed to “let the gas out” … especially in the presence of their significant other. Honey, you better “rip the runway!” He’ll probably love you more … then again, he may leave your “stank” ass. Ha! Ha! Ladies, it’s natural and it’s okay to “poot.” It becomes a problem when you don’t. I mean the stench could exude through your pores (who wants to walk around smelling like day old gym socks or a loaded burrito that’s been sitting in your stomach for weeks). That daring and brave (I might add) “poot” could sneak out and leave a lingering odor (all eyes would be on you).
Yes my dear … Women fart too. Who are you going to call? Fart Busters? Let Go and Let Flow!
I had the perfect hour glass figure when I was in my early to mid-20’s. I could eat almost anything (even after midnight) and not gain an ounce of fat only a few dimples in the derrière area. It was when I hit 29 that I started to notice a change in my face, my thighs, and abdominal area. And to add gasoline to the already chemically induced flame, I thought I was in love with my now ex-husband. It’s true, love can make you do some crazy
things shit, like gain over 30lbs and devour Chinese Take Out (General Tso or Sesame Chicken with white rice and an egg roll) and Chick-fil-a (Regular fried chicken sandwich with a large order of waffle fries drenched in 10 packs of ketchup) every single day. On top of that, I drove 20miles for a fresh dozen of Krispy Kreme’s HOT glazed doughnuts. I am convinced that the luminous red light is demonic and will hypnotize you.
I literally let myself go during my 4 year marriage. I lost the person I once was and transformed into a person I thought I would never be … depressed, hopeless, and overweight. I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the bathroom mirror so I would never turn the light on even to take a shower … I used natural light or lit a candle. My reflection was my frenemy. My size 8 turned into a size 16. My face looked as if I inhaled helium and my legs were like two steroid injected chicken drum sticks.
On February 14, 2011, I decided I had to make a change. I stood in front of my bathroom mirror completely exposed with the lights on. Tears started to flow down my face as I made several clockwise turns. That same night I used google to search “ways to lose weight after 30.” I read articles, blogs, and even watched YouTube videos of random people that were in my situation … we were cruising on the same boat and walking on the same path. I was not alone.
Fast forward 3 years … I am now a vegetarian living a healthy lifestyle (I eat 85% clean). I went from a size 14-16 (left side of photo) to a size 10 (right side of photo). The bulk of my weight was lost by changing my eating habits and completing a round of P90x, half a round of Chalean Extreme, and a round of Insanity. In 2015, I plan to compete in an obstacle style race (Spartan Race or Tough Mudder). If you have competed in the latter, please share your experience.
Presently, I am doing a round of Insanity Asylum (pure hell) and plan to do another round before my 37th birthday on December 3rd. You can do anything you put your mind to … your heart and soul will soon follow. You could be superhuman … move mountains, walk the sea, or even ride a stratocumulus cloud. Nothing in life is impossible if you believe that it’s POSSIBLE.
I am in no way affiliated with beach body products or any of its services. This is my story and I intend to inspire others. Your story can save lives! I can’t wait to hear yours!