Happy Birthday to Me

Today, I celebrate the day of my birth. Today, I will commence my first entry into the final chapter of my 30’s. I can’t say it’s been the absolute best 9 years, but I will say, it’s been a whirlwind of many lessons and quite a few blessings. On this day, December 3rd, 2016, I will make this one of the best years of my 30’s … closing it out with a resounding “goodbye.” But first, Hello 39, with your beautiful self. 

Sensual Insanity

There’s nothing like waking up to a soft kiss on the cheek, a booty rub (or an abrupt, but gentle “slap-back”), and “breakfast” in bed. Mmmm … I am envisioning how amazing it would be to magically transmute my dream into my reality. I can hear the piano softly playing in the background. I can see the candles burn (flickering) … I can see the reflection of his naked body against the wall … his sexual vigor resonates. If only this masterful thought of seduction was my reality.

I want to feel his soft hands whisper against my beautiful brown skin. I want to inhale the aroma of his natural masculine musk (the pheromones enslave me). I want to taste his erect masculinity (as his bulge pulsates with each suck). I want to grab his muscular thighs as he tries to resist me. I want to suck on his protruding nipples.  I want to look deep within his soul through his beautiful animalistic eyes as he crawls between my vaginal walls. I want to speak in my sensualistic tongue, I want to wrestle like “mating” mammals, I want to feel the rhythm of his heart beat against my pulsating chest, I want to touch his chiseled torso as his sweat penetrates his glowing skin and drips slowly on my breasts.

I want to … I want to … I want to be the woman to take him there. I want to be the woman who allows him to reach his highest sexual peak (channeling his inner freak). I want to be the woman who allows him to entrap me … allows him to dive deeper and deeper into my ocean of lust. I want him to be the man who allows my river to over flow. Damn, MmmmMmmmAhhhAhhh!

I want him to be the man who loves me beyond my visual flaws, beyond my insecurities, beyond my faults, beyond my past, beyond my over-analyzing thoughts, beyond my monthly mood swings, beyond my jealousy. I want him to make love to every piece of me … to every inch of me. I want him to lick and suck every curve and every crevice.

I want him to be the one to take me to a place of sensual insanity.

“Excuse me, Are You on Your Meriod?”

It is a known fact that some men suffer from “HMAS” (His Miserable Ass Syndrome) or IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome-the more medically accepted term). Guys, don’t deny it, you too can be a pain in the rear during your “time of the month” or during “that time of the day.” For us, PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome) can wreak havoc on our bodies and mental stance. We suffer from uncontrollable cramps, explosive diarrhea, headaches, swelling, abdominal bloat, sporadic gas, acne, increased appetite, and strange cravings … most of us would need an exorcism. Whoa! I rebuke Auntie Flow and her pesty little minions.

PMS/Periods can cause a hormonal roller coaster (with twists, turns, spins, and sudden dips) … an emotional and psychological upheaval (one minute you’re happy and the next minute you want to “slap the taste” out of someone’s mouth). I seek comfort by lounging on the bed in a fetal position with my thumb in my mouth.

Guys, you too are often seen as the “hormonal scrooge.” Some men suffer from monthly (many times daily or weekly) meriods (male periods). Many of you tend to act as if you’ve lost your damn mind. Fellas, if you experience constant mood swings, complaining, stubbornness, short-term amnesia, a shorter attention span, bull headedness, child-like whining, child-like temper tantrums, a constant act of ignoring your partner, and lower butt pain (from your wife, girlfriend, or lover kicking you in the ass)  … you’re on your “meriod.” We feel bad for you son … you got 99 problems and a “meriod” is one hundred and one.

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Ladies, the next time your mate starts to act a damn fool, ask him, “Baby, are you on your meriod?” Give him a hug (be gentle), a kiss on the forehand (make it sweet), and hand him a super absorbent “manpon” (male tampon).

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