I Love You Jordan Knight

This morning I had the pleasure of revisiting my childhood crush through music. It’s true, music can send trembles through your body and cause a reminiscent rush of adolescent hormones. I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard his voice call me (well, not exactly) … his voice touched me though … it felt like a personal serenade. I literally hopped out of bed, grabbed the nearest hair brush, stood in front of my elongated mirror, and proceeded to sing a duet with Jordan Knight to one of the hottest songs of the late 80’s …. “I’ll Be Loving You Forever” by one of the most successful boy bands of all time … New Kids on the Mother Freaking Block. Ok, I can’t contain myself now, my inner preteen has been channeled …. SCREAMING!!! I must take you down memory lane.

 

I was 12 years old when I had my first ever boy band crush. I remember like it was yesterday (more like, last night in my dreams). I turned on my 13 inch color tube TV (had to use an antenna with foil on the ends) and there he was … the boy of my every daydream. The band of all boy bands had hit the scene all crispy and clean … New Kids on the Block and I was in love with Jordan Knight. I knew he was the one the moment I laid eyes on him. I wanted to marry him and be his Chewy Caramel Creme Sundae (without the nuts). We were going to live in Boston, MA with Joey McIntyre and my cousin Tiffany. We were going to have 10 kids … Jordan Jr., Jordan III, Jordan IV, Jordan V, Jorden, Jordache, Jordania, Jordana, Jordena, and Jorgena. And, live in a mansion with 2 dogs, a parrot, and a pet monkey. I had already picked out my wedding dress, our first song, and had the venue on speed dial.

I had all of the New Kids on the Block paraphernalia (posters, pins, stickers, a sleeping bag, phone, dolls, bags, books, cups, t-shirts, etc) including all of the teeny bopper magazines where they graced the cover. I even used to kiss Jordan’s poster (had him plastered on the wall in the center above my head board) at night before bed (and there were times he slept beside me). Can you say, OBSESSED CHOCOLATE GIRL?!?

When I saw this video for the first time, I almost passed out in the middle of the living room. I was officially a crazed and kooky fan. He was the first guy to ever (and still is …well, besides Adam Levine, Channing Tatum, and Morris Chestnut who are my present day heart-throbs ) to make me go ape shit every time I heard his voice or saw his face on the television screen. I STILL LOVE YOU JORDAN!! SCREAMS!!

I remember going to one of their concerts in Greenville, SC with my dad. We sat thousands of yards away, but when Jordan waved at the crowd on the left I knew it was meant for only me. Sigh … my 30 something year old self returns.

He’s still my future husband even as I continue to age oh so gracefully … I’m legal now Jordan, call me (803) HOT-FORU.

If I Were … But, I Stand as I Am

As a young child of color growing up in an all-white neighborhood in the south, I felt ashamed of my thick, kinky and sometimes unmanageable hair and my semi dark chocolate skin tone. I wanted to be just like the blonde and blue eyed girls in the neighborhood. I wanted to feel the wind’s breath against my effortlessly flowing mane, I wanted to play in the rain without scurrying for shelter, I wanted to lay out on the deck and allow the sun to kiss my skin, I wanted to swim in the neighbor’s pool without wearing a shower cap (chlorine would wreak havoc on a sista’s kinky and coily coif), and I wanted the boys to kiss me behind the oak tree. I remember rummaging through my father’s drawer for an over-sized t-shirt (every little girl wanted a makeshift mini dress), putting my mother’s nude colored panty hose on my head (to mimic hair past my waist), sneaking in her Mary Kay make up kit (grabbing the brightest shade of red), and tip toeing in her closet to find a pair of “The Lady in Red” stilettos. Too bad “selfies” didn’t exist in the early 80’s. Now, let me take a selfie!

I had a major identity crisis during my elementary school years … gender confusion was more like it. I wanted a long penis (just for the sword effect) and not a flat and boring vagina. I used to stand up by the toilet to pee only to realize my lousy va-jay-jay didn’t really have aim. I would watch in anger as urine ran down my legs. During those hot, hazy (especially after a torrential shower), humid summer afternoons, I would walk outside with no shirt on and lounge on the white cast iron porch furniture. Thank God I only had nipples the size of raisinets and a bare chest like a prepubescent boy. Ha! I was “confuzled.”

As I type this, “If I Were a Boy” by Beyoncé is continuously playing in my head. If I were a man, would my dating life be any different? If I were a man, would I carry the heartbreak from my past on my back? If I were a man, would I F&*^ like a wild animal with no emotion? If I were a man, would I think with the horny “midget” between my thighs instead of the cranium behind my eyes? If I were a man, would I allow her to reach her sexual peak before I reached mine?

But, I stand as a Woman … the better half of a man. I say this with my stilettos and MAC Ruby Woo in my hand, I AM WOMAN! Hear me ROAR!