What the H***! Krazy Kat Advantures?!? Yes, you read that right … No need to adjust your screen or wipe the dust from your spectacles. I am contemplating living life minimally and off-grid in a metal box with wheels. Allow me to rephrase that … my southern ethnic ass is really thinking about living full-time in a pimped out cargo van. You can thank my friend, a military veteran, for the idea. Several months ago, she sent me a stream of youtube videos (see a few below) with a text (and, I honestly read it in her voice) … “girl, you need to watch this.” Ever since that day, I’ve been hooked on #vanlife. Negative Nancy will no longer haunt me … Nomad Nathaniel saves me while flying around in a cape crafted with baby wipes and treading about in thigh high hiking boots. Haha!
But, why live in a van? You may ask. Why not? I’ve had my share of living and partially owning (you’re the lender’s biotch for 15 or 30 years) beautiful homes in the suburbs and renting apartments in the city. When I shared my idea with others, you wouldn’t believe the looks and feedback that I received. At this point in my life and at this age (41 in less than 1.5 weeks), I can only show the naysayers what they only wish or dream they could do. I’m like this, you can continue to sit up in your sticks, bricks, and/or vinyl like a prisoner not eligible for parole and I’ll travel the country in my rose gold metal/plastic box with wheels. All, with a little less stress and more dinero in my bank account. I have goals to become debt free, have at least $1,000,000 in savings, and live without limitations. Anything is possible, right? In order to bring that into fruition, I must let go of those things that truly never made me happy. One being my former husband … oh, my bad, veered off the road there for a minute. Anywho, I’m a firm believer in DREAMING BIG, THINKING BIG, and DOING BIG THINGS.
I finally want to be free and as cliche as this may sound, spread my wings and fly. Well, in this case, put the pedal to the floor and explore the unknown one mile at a time. I am so flipping excited. I can’t seem to contain my excitement. I get to shower in the wild, shit in a bucket, and wake up with a view only seen in travel mags
Stay tuned family for more … Vroom Vroom!
Today, I celebrate the day of my birth. Today, I will commence my first entry into the final chapter of my 30’s. I can’t say it’s been the absolute best 9 years, but I will say, it’s been a whirlwind of many lessons and quite a few blessings. On this day, December 3rd, 2016, I will make this one of the best years of my 30’s … closing it out with a resounding “goodbye.” But first, Hello 39, with your beautiful self.
Hello October! Welcome back! Fall has kicked summer to the curb and ghost and goblins are upon us. Nature is in transformation while earth’s other inhabitants prepare for hibernation.
I love this time of the year … amazed by the beautiful and colorful foliage covering the ground and watching the leaves rustle/dance around with the wind, feeling the cool morning/evening breeze flowing through each strand of my hair, and sipping on a hot cup of “cinnamony” apple cider. I’m falling in love with fall all over again.
It’s a new season. I’m taking a venture on the road less traveled. The road with less tread … the road with less gravel. I’m preparing for a new phase … a new adventure away from dating. Yes, that’s right, I’m pressing hard on the pause button and may resume dating in the spring of 2017 … when daffodils and tulips are at full bloom. I’m taking heed to the words that were presented to me via my October horoscope (see below).
Thank you October for being my light in the midst of my darkness. I welcome you with open arms.
Dear My Rhythmic Heartbeat (aka The Healer to My Wounded Soul),
I adore you … I crave you though we never met in this life time … in this moment in time. I love you to Pluto (the moon seems too close) and back. I think about you daily even in the early hours of the morning while dusk is still in session. I miss you though I’ve never inhaled your fresh mountainy scent, heard your resonant voice, looked you in both of your eyes only to witness my soul being healed by yours or kissed your full lips (it’s your bottom lip nibble that seems to turn me on … damn). It’s the thought of you … the yearning for you. I want to inhale your happiness, mend your sadness, taste all of your glory … Mmm.
I want to capture each of your tear drops in the palm of my hand creating a mosaic river of both joy and disappointment. I want to listen to you as you talk me through your day’s journey. I want to walk hand in hand with you (our fingers interlocked forming one “great ball of fire”). I want to travel around the globe with you … one city, one country, one continent at a time … even swim the seven seas with you.
You are the light that shines when darkness lingers. You are truth as I am honesty. You are the voice when I become mute. You are the energy when I’m exhausted. You are the strength when I become weak. You are the faith when my beliefs are in question.
You are the center of my prayers at night. You are my thoughts during those days of unrest. You are the man handcrafted by the finest craftsman whom is not of this earth. You were selected by the universe just for me … one woman, one heart, one love to share with one man, his heart, his love.
I Love You My Healer, My Protector, My Friend, My Lover … My Forever.
Your Present & Your Future,
Your Displaced Rib
I feel like the rope in a game of tug of war … strength and looks can be deceiving. My dating life and the pursuit of finding a mate are at war… equally unbalanced. My emotions are caught in a never ending storm … damaging high winds, terrestrial rain showers, hail the size of tennis balls, thunder that roars like a lion in distress, and lightning that’s expelled from the hands of Mother Nature on her menses.
My dating struggles seem unbalanced … equally unyoked. Struggle is said to be the key that unlocks the deadbolt to irrefutable happiness. Struggle is said to be the escalating steps that lead you out of darkness. I’ve tried to light a candle in the midst of my struggle … in the pit of total darkness. But, darkness blew it out.
Lord, are you forwarding all of my calls (prayers) to voicemail? Universe, are you teaming up with Ashton Kutcher? I’m just saying, it’s hard to believe that I’m not on an unaired episode of Punk’d.
Damn it! This dating shit sucks! My dating life and my pursuit of finding a mate to my cringing soul is equally unbalanced, equally unyoked, and equally f@&ked!
It’s a bird, It’s a plane, It’s a UFO, It’s a kite, Oh hell no! Wait, Really? Uh, it’s a Wondrous Woman … SUPERCHARGED, FULLY ARMORED, SUPERHUMAN, I must add, SINGLE, and CRAY CRAY (in a good way … tee hee).
We’re all in awe as we watch Wondrous Woman ferociously fly (with one arm outstretched while the other flaps in the wind) down in full force to meet us … the earthlings.Wondrous Woman’s well defined (muscular) feminine pecs protrude through the thinnest elements of the imported (only made from the finest fibers) fabric. Wait, are those nipple beamers? Eeek, they’re bright! Moving on … her curvaceous and newly spit-shined (spit from the heavens, of course) hour glass figure sends shock waves across the universe. Her enhanced (squats are a “motha” sucker) non-surgical “you can sit a coke bottle on that phat (pretty hot and tempting) ass and take a sip” gluteus maximus almost splits the seat of her form fitting “shero” uniform. Her bulging calf muscles continuously expands and contracts … beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep. What a woman … wondrously SUPERCHARGED, FULLY ARMORED, SUPERHUMAN, and SINGLE. Where is her Wondrous Man with the superfluous bling (kneeling on one knee)? Bling being the ring.
No one that walks on this planet is deemed as the “Perfect Patty” (well, besides Patti Labelle after debuting that delicious Sweet Potato Pie) or “Bitch-less Betty”or the “Never Will Break Your Heart Nathan” or “Sleep with Your Best Friend Sam.” We all hold flaws or faults whether it’s consciously or unconsciously. I say this, just to say, Be Your Own Superhero … Groundbreaking Change will only occur if you allow it and accept it.
The wondrous woman in me hopes to meet the wondrous man in him … my future (God, please let it be near … please) mate. And universe, I know you’re reading this too … can we speed up the process just a little? This wondrous sister has been waiting for over 5 years. Just saying … Loves ya!
Sigh … Laying across my queen size bed wrapped in my dad’s seasoned army blanket (“dookie” green and 85% wool, scratch that, 110% wool with a few sprinkles of itching powder) watching syndicated episodes of “The Game” on Netflix. You know, I could be out at a bar watching college basketball or at a jazz club listening to smooth sounds from a cluster of instruments. I mean, the saxophone is one sensual piece of brass. Mmmm … Kenny G. comes to mind.
Sigh … Netflix is my second best choice for self dating ideas. My first choice would be gathering up my girlfriends and having a karaoke onesie party. Cookie Monster onesie on deck!
Hell, Netflix brings the laughter, the tears of joy or concern for humanity, and the abrupt thoughts of naughtiness once a half naked stud muffin walks across the screen (wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist accentuating those pelvic indentions … Damn).
Sigh … Well folks, I’m being quite rude on this Saturday night date with Netflix.
Live your life like you’ve just been discovered on the streets of Hollywood.