Red Velvet, Thongs, and Handcuffs

As I lay across my queen size bed and type this not quite solemn pornographic post, I visualize myself in pure lust rolling around (said bed) in a pair of thongs … Wait, scratch that … a pair of “big granny panties” (you’ll get the picture eventually) slanging a pair of chromed handcuffs. All while indulging in a pack of Nabisco’s Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos.

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I mean, you can’t eat just one, two, or even three. Each bite is sure to cause an explosion, more like a volcanic eruption in your mouth. You chase each morsel down with a decorative “I’m Yo Biotch” coffee cup of warm vanilla coconut milk (excessive dairy may cause this fantasy to abruptly end … I’m just saying).

When you take your first bite, the initial “crunch” sends shock waves through your body. You taste the hint of cocoa from the crispy casing and the creamy and decadent cream cheese center. Yummies!

You slowly close your eyes once it hits the back of your throat and lands in the center of your belly. Mmmmm! Yes! Oh Yes! You’ve reached the peak of red velvet oreo pleasure.

On a less vulgar note, these damn Red Velvet Oreo cookies will make you slap everyone who holds a branch on your family tree. Just don’t get your ass beat.

*I am in no way affiliated with Nabisco, but if if they want to help a sister out I’m only an email away. Hey Nabisco!

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