That’s right! I am in
love lust with Adam Levine. I’m no jump off, side chick, pop off, or the “other woman.” I’m his chocolate thunderstorm, his cocoa goddess, his hot cinnamon caramel latte (with a few swirls of whipped cream), and his Godiva chocolate with a juicy, sweet cherry in the middle. I kid! I kid! A woman can dream right? Reality kicks my ass every time. I’m just a celibate beast with impure and animalistic thoughts.
Adam, your coffee cream cake is right here. We can be like “Animals” in the wild. You can be my Tarzan and I’ll be your Janet (the name sounds more ethnic). I will remove my MUFE Matte Velvet Shade 70 foundation, wipe off my Mac Ruby Woo Lipstick (it must be love), take off my Target Mossimo midi dress (that was actually on clearance), pull off my Sam Edelman thigh high Kayla boots, and cut out my extensions (now, you know how a sista is about her hair) … all of this just for you. I’ll even climb the tallest tree, run for miles (just before my right knee gives out), drink from the creek (the fountain of youth is more like it), and sleep in a cave (wait, let me ponder on that for a minute) … again, all of this just for you.
If you ever have trouble finding me (maps often become discolored and mistakenly ripped to shreds) … take a first class flight (you’re fancy so you can take your private jet) to Atlanta, Georgia then another flight to Charlotte, North Carolina (with a slight layover), then a flight to the Capitol of “South Cackalack.” I promise you’ll be back in time for the The Voice.
This is only comedy people.
But maybe, just maybe … if I speak him into existence the universe will hear my cry and send his twin (Adam’s mold was somehow duplicated at the Factory of Desired Men).
And Adam, if you ever read this, I’m that woman you always dreamed of (before you got hitched). You know, the one that inspired “Maps” … I Kid I Kid!